Find Peace in My Marriage!

Sweet Coupledom

In Malaysia, there are many places to play a game — throwing of mandarin oranges during the Lantern Festival every year. On that day, many single girls will write their telephone numbers or contact information on mandarin oranges and then throw them into the water, in hopes of finding a good husband. If some young man picks them up, then both sides will have a date and gossip over tea, or they will meet each other on the spot and leave their contact information to each other. And it was in this way that I got acquainted with my wife.

Not long after our acquaintance, we took to each other and then married. After getting married, I decided to give my wife a happy family and made her no longer feel lonely.

Fights After Marriage

However, the things were far from being as simple as I had imagined. Just after our marriage, all kinds of conflicts began to occur between us. In order to make my family lead a happy life, I contracted one mu of land to grow vegetables. At four o’clock every morning I left home to sell vegetables and not until seven o’clock in the evening did I go back home. My wife was also out from dawn till dusk. Because I was tired out after working all day long, I simply said some words to her each time when she came back home, and then I went to rest. As for the problems and troubles she encountered during her work, I was less concerned about them. Apart from in red-letter days, we seldom had heart to heart communication with each other at ordinary times. Later, there was some misunderstandings between us, so that we often quarreled with each other over some trifles. She complained that I didn’t look after her or care about her feelings. Realizing my own mistakes and also thinking of my promise to her at first, I tried to care for and understand her.

Afterward, each time she came back from work, I, seeing her unhappy or worried about something, would actively show concern about her. But every time my wife fretfully said, “Even though I tell you, you don’t understand. No more questions.” Whenever hearing her say like this, I felt very uncomfortable within: If I don’t ask, you will say I don’t care about you; I ask but you say it is none of my business. What do you want me to do? Having hit a wall for several times, I no longer asked her. And when I saw her unhappy, I kept away from her to avoid provoking her.
Gradually, there was more and more estrangements between us. We often quarreled about some trifles, even increasingly frequently. For example, sometimes, while I was working, she asked me but I didn’t answer, which caused a quarrel; sometimes when I was driving, she put forward a question suddenly, but I didn’t instantly react and gave her a response, and then she would quarrel with me. She complained about my paying no attention to her. Accordingly she began throwing her wallet on the ground, or other things, and so on. In the beginning I showed patience, while she unceasingly quarreled, so I couldn’t help but have a bitter quarrel with her. Consequently we quarreled more bitterly. In the end I was out of options and all I could do were saying no word and waiting for her recovering her temper. Sometimes, we would give the silent treatment to each other for two or three days, even for as long as a week.

After every quarrel, she would go to her friend’s to have a chat and not until early in the morning did she return home. Once, I got home after work and finished doing my housework but my wife still didn’t come back. So I telephoned her but couldn’t get through. It had been over two o’clock in the morning when she came back. At that moment, I was filled with anger. Following that, we started disputing. She was so angry that she wanted to leave with our marriage certificate. During the process of disputing, I carelessly pressed on her wrist, causing her to suffer a hairline fracture in her wrist. When seeing her very miserable, I was deeply remorseful and uncomfortable. I often thought: Why are we always squabbling? Can’t we live well? After that, our quarrels were patched up for a time. Nonetheless, the estrangements between us remained unresolved.

Bitterly Looking for the Good Medicine

In April, 2016, my wife accepted the Lord Jesus’ gospel. In order to possess a common topic with her and increase communication between us, I believed in the Lord together with her. In a gathering, hearing a pastor talk about the Lord Jesus’ loving man and even being crucified for man, until with the last drop of blood draining away, I was shocked by the Lord’s great love and determined to believe in Him properly. Later on, in the Bible knowing the fact that the Lord loved man, and even forgave others seventy times seven times, I felt the Lord’s mercy is too great. As a result, I followed the example of the Lord Jesus to live out His love. I tried to tolerate my wife; after each quarrel, no matter who did wrong, I took the initiative to apologize to her and coax her into happiness. However, I gradually found that what I had done didn’t work and that my wife had no least change. After some time, I felt very unbalanced in my heart, thinking: I am a man. I also have dignity. I cannot keep doing so. From then on, no matter how angry she was, I no longer coaxed her.

Living in such a situation, I was extremely pained, so I prayed to the Lord, “Lord, only You are tolerant of and have pity on man. I am really unable to do it. I beg You to lead me to find a way of solving the contradiction between my wife and me.” After my prayer, I went to listen to some pastors’ preaching about marriage on Facebook. After hearing that, I felt that I understood the way they talked about: Never be angry after a quarrel, put ourselves aside and abide by the Lord’s teachings, just as the Bible says that if a person beats your left face, you show your right face and let him beat, and you forgive others seventy times seven times. However, I thought the way wouldn’t do to me at all. It should be good enough that I could forgive my wife three times. If I was always forgiving her but she had no transformation, how long should I forgive her? Although my wife also strived to practice, on facing things, she would still burst out into quarreling uncontrollably. Seeing that the religious pastors and elders could not provide for me the real way of solving the problem, I sank into deep distress: Can’t my wife and I really get along well with each other forever?

The Appearance of the Light

In January, 2017, I came across a sister from Hong Kong on Facebook. The truth the sister fellowshiped about was very beneficial to me and solved many problems which confused me in believing in God. Nevertheless, when the sister proposed me attending a meeting with them, I refused because I thought they couldn’t solve the problem between my wife and me. Two months later, I contacted the sister again. She advised that I should not be a person like a frog in the well, but instead should more understand God’s work. The sister’s word “should not be a person like a frog in the well” made me had an awakening: Right, the external world is so big and I should go out to look. Perhaps there are some ways used to solve the problem between my wife and me. Therefore, I began attending their meetings.

One day, in a meeting, my brothers and sisters talked about how to be free of sins. Brother Chen said, “We have gained redemption of the Lord Jesus, but why can we not break free from the bondage of sin?” I was very interested in the topic and very eager to know the answer of it. Following that, Brother Chen let us read several passages of God’s words, “Before man was redeemed, many of Satan’s poisons were already planted within him. After thousands of years of Satan’s corruption, man already has within him a nature that resists God. Therefore, when man has been redeemed, it is nothing more than redemption, where man is bought at a high price, but the poisonous nature within has not been eliminated. Man that is so defiled must undergo a change before being worthy to serve God. Through this work of judgment and chastisement, man will fully come to know the filthy and corrupt substance within him, and he will be able to completely change and become clean. Only in this way can man be worthy to return before the throne of God” (“The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)”).

Though Jesus did much work among man, He only completed the redemption of all mankind and became man’s sin offering, and did not rid man of all his corrupt disposition. Fully saving man from the influence of Satan not only required Jesus to take on the sins of man as the sin offering, but also required God to do greater work to completely rid man of his disposition, which has been corrupted by Satan. And so, after man was forgiven his sins, God has returned to flesh to lead man into the new age, and begun the work of chastisement and judgment, and this work has brought man into a higher realm. All those who submit under His dominion shall enjoy higher truth and receive greater blessings. They shall truly live in the light, and shall gain the truth, the way, and the life” (“Preface”).

Then the brother communicated: “Though the Lord Jesus bore and forgave the sins of us by Him being nailed on the cross, in the Age of Grace the Lord Jesus only did His work of redemption. That is, our nature of committing sins hasn’t been solved, so we still sin and resist God often. Since we were corrupted by Satan, Satan’s poisons have already been planted within us, and thus we have satanic nature. Controlled by the nature of Satan, we have become crafty, arrogant and consider ourselves to be the most honorable. We have no tolerance and patience towards others, being unable to get along in harmony. What we live out are all corrupt dispositions. The Bible says, “For the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23). Thus, in order to rid us of these satanic corrupt dispositions and make us break away from the binding of sin, God has expressed His words to do His work of judgment and chastisement in His second incarnation.

At that time, I came to realize that the reason I cannot overcome the bondage of sin is actually because I have satanic corrupt dispositions and Satan’s toxins within me and these natures of Satan have become my life. Without God’s judgment and chastisement, my satanic dispositions cannot be cleansed and my life disposition cannot be transformed. Only by accepting God’s judgment and chastisement can I truly break away from the fetters of sin and live out the likeness of a man. I had benefited enormously from such a fellowship. Nonetheless, I still did not understand how God does His work of judgment. As a result, I wanted to gain a further knowledge of it.

Later, we read another passage of God’s words, “In the last days, Christ uses a variety of truths to teach man, expose the essence of man, and dissect his words and deeds. These words comprise various truths, such as man’s duty, how man should obey God, how man should be loyal to God, how man ought to live out the normal humanity, as well as the wisdom and the disposition of God, and so on. These words are all directed at the essence of man and his corrupt disposition. In particular, those words that expose how man spurns God are spoken in regard to how man is an embodiment of Satan and an enemy force against God. … What the work of judgment brings about is man’s understanding of the true face of God and the truth about his own rebelliousness. The work of judgment allows man to gain much understanding of the will of God, of the purpose of God’s work, and of the mysteries that are incomprehensible to him. It also allows man to recognize and know his corrupt substance and the roots of his corruption, as well as to discover the ugliness of man. These effects are all brought about by the work of judgment, for the substance of this work is actually the work of opening up the truth, the way, and the life of God to all those who have faith in Him. This work is the work of judgment done by God” (“Christ Does the Work of Judgment With the Truth”).

In the fellowship, my brothers and sisters said that during God’s work of judgment in the last days, God uses various truths to judge and cleanse man. Through the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, God wants us to have a true knowledge of our own corrupt nature and see the fact of us being corrupted by Satan. At the same time, God also reveals to us His unoffendable, righteous and holy disposition to make us have reverence for Him. Only in God’s words of judgment can we detest and hate our own disposition of Satan, and thus we have the resolve to pursue the truth. Meanwhile, we will be willing to pursue practicing God’s word and live out the likeness of a genuine man in accordance with the requirements of God’s words; also, we will be willing to accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s word so as to break away from the bondage of sins and be saved and cleansed by God. All these results are achieved by undergoing the judgment and chastisement of God’s words.

Through this fellowship, it became obvious to me: The root cause of my being unable to get along well with my wife is that we have been corrupted by Satan, and controlled by our satanic nature and that what we have lived out are all corrupt dispositions. If really wanting to solve our problem, I must accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and must know myself, change myself and live out the likeness of a genuine man in the judgment and chastisement of God. I was very excited within that I saw the hope of settling the conflicts between my wife and me. Afterward, I testified to my wife about the work of Almighty God in the last days. Beyond my expectations, after hearing it, she felt it rather reasonable, wanted to know more and let me hurriedly contact the church for her. Through a period of the investigation, my wife also accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days.

The Genuine Peace

When we had just accepted the work of Almighty God, we still had disputes. Subsequently, a sister found for us a passage of sermons and fellowship: “Now, the interpersonal relationships of all people are not normal. This is mainly because they have been deeply corrupted by Satan. Their character is extremely low: People all seek only profit and only focus on taking advantage of others when handling things; there are their own intentions and purposes in all things. People all live for themselves and for their flesh; they have no slightest care or love for others, and even no affection or love which man should be equipped with. People intrigue against each other, guard against each other and fight both openly and in secret, being unable to get along normally; the conscience and reason people should be equipped with has completely disappeared. People aren’t of one heart and mind with others; if they don’t have a little bit of patience, they will be arch-enemies. With their hearts filled with evil and fighting, people are opposed to each other and sworn enemies of each other, without the slightest likeness of a man. Their hearts have totally been occupied by Satan, and full of Satan’s philosophies. All these are disclosed in God’s words without the slightest issue. These practical states exist in everyone. … We should have several principles of practice if we want to get along with others. We cannot be satisfied with nothing more than not taking unfair advantage of and not harming others. Besides, we should have love and have conscience and reason even more; we should tolerate and help each other and care for others so that others benefit in all things; we should think about others but not only think about ourselves, should sympathize with others’ weaknesses and pardon others’ transgressions. Only with these principles can we establish the normal relationship with others, and be on friendly terms with others” (“The Fellowship From the Above”).

Through reading the fellowship, we realized that after being corrupted by Satan, our natures are the same, arrogant, selfish and deceitful. When things happen, all that we consider is our own interests, all that we see are other people’s problems but we seldom examine ourselves. Therefore, we have no normal interpersonal relationships with others. Accordingly, both my wife and I tried to lower ourselves, not asking the other side to act according to our own ideas. We learned to understand and show much empathy for the difficulties of the other side.

Gradually, we had less and less disputes. Even though there were occasional arguments, we would sit together and lay bare what we had thought and why we would get angry in communion with each other. By openly communicating, I sensed my extreme arrogance. I never examined and knew myself when things happened, but always fixated my eyes on her, finding fault with her. In the past, I always assumed that the reason for our quarreling was because of the high requirements and bad temper of my wife, but I didn’t acknowledge that I had shown no sincere empathy and consideration for her. At the same time, my wife also became aware that she liked imagining and harboring suspicion when things happened, without any trust in me. Understanding these suspicions were from Satan, she was determined to forsake her own suspicions and imagination. After that, when she, faced with things, wanted to harbor suspicions, she would pray to God and penetrate Satan’s schemes under the leadership of God’s words. After her prayer of each time, she would said with a smile, “How could I lose my temper for such a trifle? I was being difficult on purpose.” At the sight of the fact that she finally relied on God and defeated Satan under the guidance of God’s words, I was full of gratitude for God within.

Nowadays, we communicate with each other more frequently. We have also learned to evaluate situations according to God’s words, respect God above all others and let Him reign in our family; we know that we cannot ask the other side to obey ourselves because none of our viewpoints are truths. When facing issues, we look for relevant words of God to see how God say them, and then put God’s words into practice. When we do so, our relationship become more and more harmonious. This makes me see that Almighty God’s work of the last days actually can change us and recover our normal humanity. Thank Almighty God for His salvation of me and of my family!

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Tuzi M

Tuzi M

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My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.( Job 42:5 )