Tuzi M

May 11, 2019

12 min read

Marriage Testimonies - How Should I Face and Overcome Domestic Abuse?

By Kemu, Australia

At the Beginning of Life, I Yearned for Happiness in Plight

I was born into an ordinary family in a small county of Hebei Province, China. When I was young, my father often drank and beat my mother after he got drunk, and my little brother and I were so scared that we would hide under the quilt and dared not see the scene. Then, when my father sobered up, my mother would vent her anger on him. As my father almost got drunk every day, we didn’t have any peaceful day.

Growing up in such circumstance, I did poor in study, and thus my teachers did not like me, and my classmates often bullied me. Gradually, I became timid and felt myself inferior to others, and was even afraid to talk with others. After graduating from junior high, I went to another city to study in a vocational secondary school, and stayed there to work afterward. A few years later, I reached the age of marriage, but I was afraid to get married in my heart due to the influence of my parents’ marriage on me; besides, I was introverted and seldom contacted with boys. Yet I still dreamt of having a congenial companion, and I did not expect to be very wealthy, but to spend my whole life harmoniously and smoothly.

Afterward, at the introduction of my colleague, I met a man, who is my husband now. When I first contacted with him, I felt that he was humorous and funny. Considering that I was so introverted, I thought that a talkative husband was just fit for me, so we began dating. At that time, he often invited me to stroll in the park and watch movies, and gave flowers to me from time to time. It was quite romantic and joyful during that period of time, so I introduced him to my parents and relatives not long after. However, in the following days, I gradually discovered that he had a bad temper and often got angry, and he even threw things off. So I was very worried about our future, fearing that I would walk on the old path of my parents. But because I cared about face and had a conservative thought, I thought that since he had met my parents, it seemed natural for us to get married, and thus we got married at last.

After My Marriage, I Fell Into the Lowest Point of My Life

After marriage, my husband vented his temper on me as long as he ran into something untoward, and he would strike and kick me when I talked back. I never dared to tell others about it, for I feared that my parents could be grieved and worried, and that I could be made fun of by my relatives and friends, so all I could do was silently shed tears and accept my fate. In order to make a living, we ran a small restaurant. He was quite peppery at ordinary times, and became even more waspish when we were busy. Because I had never worked in the catering industry before, I worked slowly, and he often called me an idiot and even dumped sliced vegetables on me. I still remember one day he took half of a watermelon home from our restaurant to eat. But I was so hurried that I forgot to bring a spoon home when I left. Then he got angry, calling me a blockhead, and complaining that he couldn’t eat without a spoon, and he even violently threw the watermelon on the ground. At the time, I was sitting on the bed and did not dare to utter a sound, but in my heart I was full of hatred for his unreasonable behaviors, and glared at him with undisguised hatred. He beat me violently when he saw my expression. Suffering bashes and kicks, my heart was bleeding. I couldn’t help shedding tears ceaselessly, and constantly asked myself: Why is my lot unhappy? When can I get rid of such life?

Because the business was not good, we made use of our morning time to wholesale fruits to sell in the morning market and ran our restaurant from noon. One day, a man, who was of the same trade, came to my stall to talk to me that the wholesale price of fruit was high and that it was difficult to deal in fruits, and I said several words in agreement with him. Then my husband walked to us and argued with him, and he even beat that man, which caused the police to intervene; in the end, he was fined 200 yuan. When we reached our house, he vented all his anger on me, and reproached that everything was caused by the conversation between me and that man; then he roughed me up again. Having been beaten for so many times, I became numb and let him torture me at will; the only thing I could do was to protect my head and shed tears silently. Since then, I didn’t dare to talk to male strangers anymore. One should be vigorous and happy in his twenties, but I was miserable as living in hell, and was worn out both physically and mentally, living without any hope.

In Despair, I Tried to Flee yet Could Not Escape From My Foreordination

One day when my husband fell asleep after roughing me up, I packed up some clothes and left my home with some money. And I lived in an inn nearby because I did not know where to go at night. That night, I thought a lot and planned to go to another city where my husband could not find me to lead a life the next day. Never did I expect that he came knocking at the door the next dawn, and even though I hurriedly hid myself behind the curtains, he still found me. He knelt down, begging me to go home with him, but I had made up my mind and kept untouched, and he then smashed the door with anger. I knew his temper; if I insisted on not going back, I had no idea what he could do, so I went back home with him reluctantly. On entering the door, I was subjected to a violent hit by him. Even so, he still thought that it was not enough to dispel his hatred, so he pulled out his belt to lash my back, and I felt crushing grief caused by the burning pain and was totally heart-broken at that moment. When he was exhausted and cooled himself down, he once again begged me for forgiveness on his knees, and promised that he would not beat me any longer. Yet because I had heard such words many times, I had no feelings toward his apology, and I could only bear bitterness silently on my own.

Suffering pains and tortures time and again, I was heart-broken and asked myself: How come my lot is so unhappy? Why am I not able to escape from my fate? Later on, I was pregnant. At that time, hearing that one could make more money abroad, my husband began to prepare for the formalities for going abroad, and he obtained a visa and went to New Zealand when our kid was one year old. Three years later, I also went to New Zealand to work in order to repay the housing loan. Having been separating for more than three years, I had thought that his temper could change a little bit, but he was irritable and narrow-minded as always, just like a bomb that could explode at any time. I suffered a great deal from such life, living without any meaning. But for the sake of my kid and our family, I could only submit to the sufferings.

God’s Love Dispelled the Hatred in My Heart

In January of 2016, I encountered the gospel of Almighty God when I was extremely miserable. Through the sister’s fellowship, I understood that man was created by God. At first, our ancestors Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden; neither did they have the misery or bond of flesh, nor the contention or hatred that exists among mankind. Yet since they were enticed and corrupted by Satan, they were driven from the Garden of Eden, losing God’s blessings and living in various pains. The sister also read a passage of God’s words together with me: “such as the pain of the flesh, the troubles and emptiness of the flesh and the extreme wretchedness of the world. Satan began to torment man after it had corrupted them. Man then became more and more degenerate, the illnesses of man were deepened, and their suffering became more and more severe. Man felt more and more the emptiness, the tragedy and the inability to go on living of the world, and they felt less and less hope for the world. So this suffering was brought on man by Satan, and it only came after man had been corrupted by Satan and became degenerate.” She fellowshiped, “We have become selfish and contemptible, treacherous and malicious since we were corrupted by Satan. There is no love or trust among us humans, and we all fight with and hurt each other for our own interests. Therefore, we feel no happiness or warmth, but only endless miseries in our life.” Hearing these words, I thought back to the past: From my childhood to adulthood, I have never truly felt happy, and all I feel is misery and hopelessness; turns out that it all results from Satan’s affliction. Many people around me are also living in various kinds of miseries: My colleagues are scheming against each other for money in work place; a friend and her husband could not go back home because her husband owes hundreds of thousands of usurious loans and they are unable to repay it. … Living in the world of Satan, all of us are riddled with different troubles, and our life is full of mishaps and sufferings.

The sister then asked me to read another passage of God’s words: “All that God does for every individual is beyond doubt; He leads everyone by the hand, looks after you at every moment and has never left your side. … The great thought and care behind everything God does is beyond question. What is more, while God carries out this work, He has never laid any condition or requirement on any one of you to know the price He pays for you, so you therefore feel deeply grateful to Him. Has God ever done anything like this before? (No.) Throughout your long lives, basically every individual has encountered many dangerous situations and undergone many temptations. This is because Satan is right there beside you, its eyes fixed on you constantly. It likes it when disaster strikes you, when calamities befall you, when nothing goes right for you, and likes it when you are caught in Satan’s net. As for God, He is protecting you constantly, keeping you from one misfortune after another and from one disaster after another. This is why I say that everything man has — peace and joy, blessings and personal safety — is in fact all under God’s control, and He guides and decides the life and fate of every individual.

Reading these words, I suddenly felt very warm in my heart: I have suffered my husband’s abuse and physical pains for more than ten years since we got married, and it is God’s care and protection that keeps me from being badly injured. Before he once gave his female net friend a slap in the face, and then she was in hospital because of the perforation on her eardrum. But for the protection of God, I would have been in hospital countless times, and I would, perhaps, have been beaten to disability. In pondering these, I was full of gratitude to God. I also understood from God’s words that it is Satan’s corruption that results in my husband’s vicious disposition; is it not Satan’s mocking and affliction that he often beat me with anger yet regretted doing so afterward? Since then, I no longer complained about my unhappy lot and my hatred toward my husband was relieved a lot, for I knew that all of my miseries were caused by Satan and that Satan is the one I should hate. God’s words comforted me and I no longer felt miserable as before in my heart.

Embracing the Dawn of Life, I Completely Walk Out of the Sea of Suffering

After accepting Almighty God’s work, I started to attend gatherings and read God’s words. God’s words say: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work. … The heart and spirit of man are held in the hand of God, and all the life of man is beheld in the eyes of God. Regardless of whether or not you believe this, any and all things, living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear according to God’s thoughts. This is how God rules over all things.” It turns out that God has been caring me by my side and guiding me up to the present day step by step since I came into the world. Although I have suffered my husband’s abuse and many pains, I accepted God’s salvation of the last days after following my husband to New Zealand. What a blessing in disguise it is to me! Since God holds sovereignty over my destiny, then does He not control my husband in His hands? I am willing to deliver my husband as well as my subsequent fate into the hands of God. When I was truly willing to believe in and depend on God, I saw God’s deeds.

One day, I was working while my husband came to me with anger, saying that the door of our rented house could not be opened. He thought that there was something wrong with his key, so he took away my key, yet it still did not work. He was both anxious and angry, and gave me a call, saying that the lock was broken, and that he called the janitor but no one could come to repair the lock because it was holiday…. Hanging up the phone, I was troubled and not at ease and thought to myself: If he cannot open the door tonight, he would break the door and even vent his temper on me. The more I thought, the more frightened I became, and I was in no mood to work, so I hurriedly prayed to God: “Oh Almighty God, I am very frightened now, and I know this matter is Satan’s scheme. Please grant me faith and strength and help me get through this.” God’s words came to my mind after my prayer: “Remove your fear. I am your rear guard, so who can block the way?” It is true! God is almighty and He controls every person, matter, and thing. Whether or not my husband will get angry or rough me up is in the hands of God, and nothing will happen without God’s permission. God’s words enabled me to be peaceful and assured in my heart. And I was thankful to God for His love that a sister of the church gave me a set of bedding. And when I returned our lodging after work, I happened to find that there was an empty room on the first floor of our building; even though it was a little bit moist, at least we had a place to stay at night. After my husband got off work, I led him to this temporary shelter, and he only shook his head and sighed, complaining about his bad luck. Yet he did not vent his anger on me as before, and I knew clearly in my heart that it was the sovereignty and arrangement of God, and I kept silently praying to God all the time in my heart. Later, not only did he not complain, but he told me to go to sleep early. I was especially moved at that moment, for he would have certainly vented his temper on me if such matter happened in the past. But that day he did not curse or beat me, but rather, he was concerned with me, so I constantly praised God for His might in my heart.

Through this matter, I saw God’s reality, faithfulness, and wondrousness, and was more certain that it is God who holds sovereignty over all things and events. From then on, my faith of following God to the end is even firmer, and I have also learnt to rely on and look to God when I encounter hardships. Afterward, I saw many wondrous deeds of God: My husband gradually knows how to care for me, and he often cooks meals for me and no longer roughs me up. I am grateful to God from the bottom of my heart, for He has changed my husband and been silently caring and protecting me all the time. It is God who leads me to walk out of the sea of suffering step by step, and makes me no longer be miserable and have my heart harbored. All the glory be to Almighty God!

Source from: Internet

Recommendation: Read more on our Christian Testimonies page.